super additional additions

Non-negotiables:
1. true disciple. (humbly depends on God alone)
2. trustworthy & full of integrity. (does what he says and says what he does.)
3. genuinely good hearted. (it hurts for him to hurt others, he cares about people too much)
4. assertive/considerate/thoughtful/compassionate (good noonchi & high emotional intelligence)
5. passionate & hardworking. (about something worthy)
6. giving and generous. (in all ways, but esp. with quality time and emotional sharing)
7. fun! with the same sense of humor (please?)
8. devoted (eyes wholly on me) & protective ( like a rottweiler~)
9. sociable and gregarious (no cavemen allowed!)... but not flirty

02/2011---
Addition:
10. understands who i am and connects with me on a deep level

08/2011------
Super Additional Additions:
11. demonstrates true sacrifice & selflessness
12. forgiving & grace-ful (with Christ-like unconditional love)
13. patient & wise (knows when to cham-muh and when to speak up)
14. gentle hearted & loving & caring
15. teachable & yielding (like softened clay)
16. determined, hardworking, committed (ah, the art of compromise)
17. great leadership skills (but also submits to authority- esp. God's!)
18. accepting (because we all fall short of God's glory and grace)
19. supportive (emotionally available and open)

10/2011
Super Super Additions
20. filled with the Holy Spirit (shameless persistence for more of it)
21. humble and private (cuz true humility comes from God)
22. dignified, respectable
23. manly (in more ways than just the outer shell)
24. makes me feel super special and precious

04/2012
Super More Super Additions (the list never ends)
25. good communicator (knows how to open up and express his emotions)
26. always prayerful and full of faith

06/2012
GIANT SUPER more additions:
27. not attention seeking
28. mature (emotionally, physically, spiritually, socially)
29. kind and friendly... definitely not an ounce of douchey-ness.
30. believes that i can be someone greater than i am (and encourages me to be my best)
31. patient about my shortcomings (good listener)
32. intelligent and articulate (can carry good conversation for hours)
33. not critical of me or others
34. HEALTHY and free from addictions (drugs, alcohol, attention, prn, relationships, sexual impurity, $$$, prestige, spending, gambling, mama's boy image, etc)
35. constant and consistent (so i know what to expect!!! sheesh)
36. considers others better than himself (and does not look out for his self-interests)

09/2012
ridiculously more additions:
37. honorable
38. sexually attractive but firm in his conviction of purity
39. grounded and sensible


#1: loves me more than he loves himself and loves God more than he loves me.



i refuse to settle for anything less.
God is faithful!!!!

wait a minute.... these are all things that i should prepare as well....  looks like i have a lot of work to do! =/

today, as i looked down at my two keys A and B, i had a simple revelation about how specific and funny our God is.

the two keys were seemingly identical from a distance, but under further scrutiny, i could see that one tiny jagged edge of each key was different.

who would have thought just that sliver of a piece from a metal key would be significant? the difference between locking and unlocking... between gaining access and being shut out.... between safety and exposure...

our God is creative, generous, and purposeful.... completely worthy of all trust and worship.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

muddy

sometimes i genuinely wonder if it is the enemy taking something so pure and beautiful and real, and turning it into a selfish, indulgent, ravenous monster of a thing. 

how evil the enemy is for his dedication to perversion. 

In you, O Lord, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame; in your righteousness deliver me! ....Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord! - Psalm 31

Persevere

"The book of Hebrews is an invitation to the Christian steward to persevere until the day that will bring the culmination of God's redemptive story. It will be a day when God's people can cease working, struggling and sacrificing, and instead rest in God's holy presence. But for now, the steward's calling is to keep on keeping on in obedience to the Word - the obedience of faith in the One who has led them out of slavery to sin. It means persevering, even though the work is hard and the way is sometimes shrouded in mist. It requires effort, as Hebrews 4:11 tells us. Expository preacher and Bible commentator Albert Barnes comments: "Let us labor therefore. Let us earnestly strive. Since there is a rest whose attainment is worth all our efforts; since so many have failed of reaching it by their unbelief; and since there is so much danger that we may fail of it also, let us give all diligence that we may enter into it. Heaven is never obtained but by diligence, and no one enters there who does not earnestly desire it, and who does not make a sincere effort to reach it."

Author Eugene H. Peterson writes that the reason we can persevere is because God sticks with us. God sticks to his relationship. He establishes a personal relationship with us and stays with it. The central reality for Christians is the personal, unalterable, persevering commitment God makes to us. Perseverance is not the result of our determination; it is the result of God's faithfulness. We survive in the way of faith not because we have extraordinary stamina but because God is righteous, because God sticks with us. Christian discipleship is a process of paying more and more attention to God's righteousness and less and less attention to our own; finding the meaning in our lives not by probing our moods and motives and morals, but by believing in God's will and purposes; making a map of the faithfulness of God, not charting the rise and fall of our enthusiasms. It is out of such a reality that we acquire perseverance.

This is what the writer of the New Testament letter to the Hebrew Christians did. He sang a litany of people who lived by faith, that is, people who centered their lives on the righteous God who stuck by them through thick and thin so that they were able to persevere. They lived with uncommon steadiness of purpose and with a most admirable integrity. None of them lived without sin. They all made their share of mistakes and engaged in episodes of disobedience and rebellion. But God stuck with them so consistently and surely that they learned how to stick with God."

What Must I Lose?

       "We admit and raise to hero status those who give up everything for the kingdom. The movie Amazing Grace depicts the sacrifices William Wilberforce (1759-1833), an English Member of Parliament and social reformer, made in working to end the slave trade in Great Britain. He was ready to sacrifice his position, his career, his health and his friendships as he fought the political and economic status quo that made many rich and prosperous while causing unspeakable human suffering. He persevered through all the discouragement and seeming futility and saw it to the end because of his devotion to Christ.

         However much we are stirred and inspired by the courage and example of those who sacrifice so much for the kingdom, it gives us pause to ponder what might be exacted of us. When confronted with a drastic sacrifice, we want to find some way around it. We count the cost and try to guess the gain. And count again. But Jesus is very clear here. Anyone who is a follower of Christ may be called to relinquish control of life, possessions, career, traditions and more. Sacrifice cannot remain an abstract concept.

        What does losing your life look like? For each of us the answer may be different; for some, such as missionary Jim Elliot, it does mean martyrdom. But many of us must 'lose our lives' on a daily basis. We sacrifice our time and talent and subject our vocations to Jesus' imperatives. We sacrifice the right to enjoy money and possessions any way we please. We are called to sacrifice to Christ's lordship our very thoughts and desires, our fears and foibles, and let him transform us into his image. We must be willing to sacrifice anything that we value as essential to 'life' as we know it when Jesus has asked these things of us. Discipleship and stewardship in the kingdom require total allegiance. It's a steep price to pay, but with eternity in the balance, it's a great deal. The journal entry from Jim Elliot is often quoted but worth repeating, 'He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.' "

HJ

"There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you—of kindness and consideration and respect—not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had."-John Steinbeck

"When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and faults yet commits him- or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us." -Tim Keller

the core

i've heard horror stories about college roommates who left cheese and fruit to mold in their fridges through the winter break and then just ended up throwing out the whole fridge come summer. apparently, nobody wanted to man up and deal with the moldy mess. it's gross how we let decay creep up on us, right?

well, this week i succumbed to the delicious ripened smell of fresh strawberries. julie bought them for me from the fruit man :) although i'm normally good at putting groceries away, this time i just let them sit on the table. (why? i don't even know!)

one day later, i saw a bit of mold on a few strawberries :( well, instead of washing and picking the healthy ones free from badly influenced ones, i put the whole container in the fridge and let them continue to fester.

today, i decided this could not go on. so i put them in a colander and assessed the damage. well gadzooks, for the love of strawberries! i immediately felt regret at my procrastination. as i could have saved so many more healthy, delicious, red strawberries from the cruel and unusual punishment of a slow rot. i tried to save some with only slight superficial damage, but alas, the stubborn decay had penetrated deeply into the core of the berry. they could not be saved....

lessons learned:
1) never procrastinate the process of storing and keeping foods in a cool, dry place. (mother nature is merciless)
2) we are like fruit. inner decay spreads quickly if not dealt with at first signs of symptoms. our cores are easily susceptible to growing bitterness and rot, even when exterior appearances look fresh as berries (pun intended).

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. - Ephesians 6:12

true love

"Thermodynamic miracles... events with odds against so astronomical they're effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold..... Until your mother loves a man she has every reason to hate, and of that union, of the thousand million children competing for fertilization, it was you, only you, that emerged. To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold... that is the crowning unlikelihood. The thermodynamic miracle."

-Mr. Manhattan

I always remember that quote from Watchmen when I think of conception and birth.... about how crazy it is that two people can love each other and with one act, they can create human life. Miracle! is the only word to describe it. man, God is so artsy fartsy. 

As I held a one-week old infant yesterday, i realized for the first time what the weight of this "miracle" feels like. I couldn't stop staring at him in wonder and awe. How can a human being be so tiny and so shamelessly dependent? Nehemiah is the physical, living and breathing manifestation of love and life-long covenant.  He is being entrusted to his parents, to care for him and fill him up with knowledge and values, etc...

This reminded me about who God is and who I am in relation. God is the benevolent father. I am the creation, completely reliant on Him. (I should relearn that infant-like shamelessness.) And God's true love for us was manifested in the birth of Jesus Christ. He was a symbol of God's forgiveness, peace, generosity, redemption, salvation!

If I (not his mother by any means) can be so pleased at holding this newborn in my arms then how pleased is our God with our birth -our lives? (And yet, how much more can we do to please our Lord and Savior? So much more....)

Sometimes things all start to make sense...

then I lose that rare moment of enlightment.

The world is crazy.

the "baker's wife"

when i was a little girl, i wanted an easy-bake-oven.

of course, i never got one. instead i had pots, pans, and cooking spoons shoved at me at an early age. i learned how to make spaghetti, kimchi-jjigae, fried rice... etc. survival foods for the latchkey-kid & her older brother. psh, no time for baking or desserts, such a luxurious lifestyle!

looking back, i think it was the illusion of being feminine, blonde, and perfect that i clung to more so than the baking itself... and i always envied those white kids who came to school with beautifully wrapped holiday cookies & chocolates they had made the night before with their stay-at-home mothers...

nowadays, i figure i should be grown up and womanly. i cannot carry on with these childish box-cake ways. thus, i've begun a journey into the mysterious and scientific world of American baking. it's fun, delightful, and stress-reducing! [except when my homemade breads don't rise and my chocolate chip cookies turn out rock hard... ] but i have hope!

hello to cookies and cakes and bread galore!
(friends, prepare to loosen a notch on your belts! )

i am, after all, an award-winning "Baker's Wife" ^_~

all you need is love... and measuring cups!

happy st. patty's


NSSLHA bake sale, here i come!

please don't snicker at my snickerdoodles~

eggs

Happy Easter!

it's the thought that counts~

growing up, i don't recall ever really receiving gifts from my parents.... or having a big party thrown for me. i always got an envelope with money in it. (don't judge the parenting, it's a cultural difference).

but i do remember that ONE year. the year that i had become quite obsessed with the Backstreet Boys. (every moment they were on mtv, my best friend and i would stand next to our VCRs and hit the RECORD button!) on my 15th birthday, my mom let me have a few friends sleep over. she cooked us korean dinner and even had a gift for me! (nevermind that she probably had her assistant go out and find it, buy it, wrap it). i had low expectations.... that were at once heightened by a cute "Happy St. Patrick's Birthday" card! how thoughtful and particular to me! then..... rip open gift wrapping to.... [insert: MACHU PICHU-like yell here]..... 2 video tapes! legit, store-bought BSB Concert videos! right then, i knew what all the hula-buloo around children's birthday parties was. i never felt so special, cared about, understood, and loved, like i did at that moment. i felt happy to be BORN. haha. and at that moment, all those years of resentment towards my mom at refusing my Birthday Barbie requests flew out the window.

this is how i explain my deepest appreciation for giving and receiving presents. no matter how little or how unimportant a gift may seem to you- to me, it says that you appreciate me, that we're close, and that you're thinking of me :")

*next time, i'll share the story about how Julie (unintentionally) came to be my favorite (that year) and yes, this story involves a very intricately planned array of secret santa Christmas gifts. hee hee!

becoming...

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. 

But the Skin Horse only smiled.



For God so loved the world, that he gave His only begotten Son, so that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 
John 3:16

simple & clean

sometimes i think everything in life is so simple....

then i think about it again and change my mind.

everything in life is made complicated when thinking about its simplicity.

all the pieces of me

one of my favorite things to do while i wait for the subway to arrive - is stand very close to the tile walls and touch each piece of a mosaic.

these mosaics - well, mosaics in general - intrigue me!

how is it that close up, each individual piece looks so drastically different from the next? but somehow, their placement is perfect? how did the artist know to shade that special spot with that color?

well, it's only when you step back far enough to see the whole mosaic, made up of it's many pieces, that the artwork finally makes sense. you get the picture. (oh, pun intended!)

sometimes, i think that's how God sees us.

from my limited perspective, i'm so focused on how green that piece of my life is and how it doesn't seem to fit so well next to that ridiculously purple piece. i cannot comprehend how the connections will tell a full story someday....  but our Lord is omniscient, and his viewpoint is perfect. He sees the whole picture... and it is truly a masterpiece!

Great is our God!

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  - Jeremiah 29:11

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. - Proverbs 3:5

mereme lin

Daniel: hey stupid

me: what fat

Daniel: start going to knicks games

marry jeremy lin

me: no. HAHAHAHAH

Daniel: he a christian

me: he younger than me

Daniel: u say theres no good guys in new york

me: 1988 -_-

Daniel: he is?

me: yes.

Daniel: omg

me: that is too young

Daniel: u already checked

u so dumb

Daniel: its ok u can still marry him

Daniel: no one will say anything abd about him being younger than u if u marry him

Daniel: make a sign at msg

Daniel: Mereme Lin! and put a ring on it

me: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLL

[AOEPFKJAEW;FWEOIJAG;OGOR

cute. thats actually the best idea you've ever come up with

Daniel: so do it  

go with julie

MarryMe Lin!  

put ur number on the bottom

me: fine

Daniel: dont come back without marrying him

me: fine.

i find it funny that nobody ever bothers me about getting married except my stupidly ridiculous brother (who has not had a gf himself since the new millenium dawned -_-)

well, i suppose it's more feasible than marrying Tim Tebow...

hope deferred?

i used to think that by the year of the Dragon (2012), i would have born my first son. of course that means i would have been married in 2010, year of the tiger. 

ah, tiger & dragon, powerful and magical creatures for a powerful family and a magical life...

but alas, it was not in the stars - or God's plans for me.

and here i am, in the greatest city in the world. 26 (soon to be 27) and single. yet oddly, very satisfied and happy.

Lord, you are wise! i am content exactly where i am; with what i am. i cannot imagine a life right now with a husband and son!!! for i am still a child myself~

good-bye Year of the Rabbit (mistakes and hasty decisions)!
welcome Year of the Dragon (wisdom, strength, and fearlessness)!!!

patience is a virtue

This past week, my supervisor referenced Aesop's fable about the tortoise and the hare as an analogy to the slow, but sure progress one can make during therapy - of course one needs to take on the characteristics of the tortoise and not the hare ( i wonder, is being the hare ever beneficial under any circumstance?)

as she told the fable, a lightbulb flickered above my head... all the biggest (and smallest) mistakes that i have made in life have been attributed to my foolish hare-like rashness and overconfidence. oh why! oh why? if only i could have stopped and become more like the tortoise, maybe i could have claimed more victories.

ah, but it is never too late to don a hard shell and slow down in this race called life.

so help me God...

Ecclesiastes 9:11

baby bear

have you ever made ratatouille?

well, i haven't.

but i would imagine one has to balance a delicate ensemble of spices, vegetables, and flavors to get the perfect tenderness and taste!

There is much debate about what makes the ratatouille perfect... some cooks, including Julia Child, insist on a layering approach, where the eggplant and the zucchini are sautéed separately, while the tomatoes, onion, garlic and bell peppers are made into a sauce. The ratatouille is then layered in a casserole – aubergine, courgettes, tomato/pepper mixture – then baked in an oven. blah blah blah...

well, as always, i see ratatouille as the perfect analogy to a relationship: one ratatouille's smells and flavors will be juuust right for someone, and then just won't cut it for someone else. that's why i say that God is the best chef ever, and he matches the perfectly distinct ratatouille recipe with the perfect kind of ratatouille connoisseur .

well, to each his own!

monkey see, monkey do

i used to joke about how i was afraid i was becoming my mother... then this weekend i realized (alarmingly) how sure i've already become her.

not only have i experienced the spiritual manifestation of suffering and grief passed down upon me from the past two generations... but i have the same (emotional and acts of service) tendencies as my mom.

1. when my friend fell very ill on wed night, i saw myself reacting in just the way that my mom would when something had happened to me... towards my treasured friend - although i didn't want it to be - my emotional response was one of anger and chastising; all these were symptoms of my deep worry for his well-being, of course. (odd, because i myself used to hate her reactions and complain about it all the time) my mom's incessant style has permeated so deep that it is spewing out of the crevices of my own being!

2. on thanksgiving night, i felt the sense of duty and desire rising within me. so, i took a natural course of action - wrapping up all the leftovers and cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. all this while everyone played games (really fun group games, mind you!).  for me, i found more pleasure in stuffing the tupperware just right, while listening in and chuckling at the ridiculousness of my friends. (i was so thankful that my friends could understand my heart's desires and leave me in peace. thanks guys.) i used to feel guilty and wonder if my mom enjoyed taking on the clean up duty while everyone rested but now i see... and now i also echo her force-ful, yet loving way of shoving food into the hands of people going out the door.

creepy how we are such carbon copies of our parents... right?
we even walk, laugh, and cook like them...

tiger

there is something so simple and straightforward, yet so complicated about shoes. everything about them has to be just right. 

through an offer i couldn't refuse, i tried the shoes on. they felt very comfortable, with all the padding at the bottom and on the arch. the size felt right. i was satisfied with the color and sleek charm of the shoe. i knew it was my first pair of onitsuka's so i couldn't completely trust them, but i had hope for them. exciting...

the first time i walked 30 blocks in the shoes, they felt good. however, when i got home, i realized that the front of the shoes just didn't seem right (but i didn't want to admit it to myself). my big toes kind of hurt from being confined and suppressed. however, i believed i could stretch that part out with more wear, more love, more effort. 

as i continued to wear the shoes, i became deeply disappointed. i realized that it is an intrinsic part of the shoe that won't change. i either have to stop wearing them, wear them only in short periods, or just accept the pain (as i do with heels). but i don't think sneakers should ever be uncomfortable.... that is THE definition and purpose of sneakers! i shouldn't have to compromise and tell myself it is acceptable. there are other shoes that are much better for me and my big fat toe! 

lefty

today i had a revelation about my left hand. well, more specifically, my left thumb.

i have found great appreciation for it, through losing it. 

i happened to sprain my left thumb on saturday (during a punt reception) and i have become amazed at how unable i am to comfortably carry on with daily activities. 

i always thought since i am a right-handed person, that my right hand is so much more valuable and necessary; but this isn't so. it turns out that my right-hand, in conjunction with the use of my left hand, is made whole and useful. (if my right hand is holding the tooth brush, my left thumb needs to squeeze the toothpaste out.) (if my right hand is holding the knife, my left hand needs to hold the bread to spread the jelly.)

they say you don't really appreciate something until it's gone. well, i say, thanks for only being gone a short time (hopefully) so that when you return, i can truly appreciate you for your worth in my life, my left-thumb.