"must love dogs"

walking around nyc, you see a lot of people with their dogs. all sorts of dogs from the big hairy ones, the thick wrinkly stinky lookin ones, to the tiny little princess pups. i love seeing them all. i wish i had enough hand sanitizer in my purse to pet them more often... =/  dogs in nyc are so well trained and just itching to be petted after being cooped up all day! their owners are pretty friendly too (although once in a while you'll just get straight up snubbed as you're bending down to pet their dog).

one thing that i find really endearing about guys with pets is their ability to share themselves with another. guys with dogs tend to be more friendly and nice. they also have no fear when it comes to investing their hearts into mortal creatures who may or may not stay by them forever (can we say emotionally available?). these are guys who can recognize that the risks are well worth the rewards. they aren't afraid to choose, commit, and love. they are also responsible, committed, affectionate, and giving cuz that is the minimal requirement for having a pet. (next time you see a cute guy with a dog, watch how he pets his animal and you'll notice he suddenly looks even cuter. lol)

i once dated a guy who wasn't very expressive by any means... but he used to reach into the glass aquarium and pull out his mom's pet iguana (kinda weird now that i think about it). albeit iguanas aren't really that "pettable" - he did so in the most idiosyncratically gentle way. i could detect a bond of intimacy and trust between reptile and human from that tender one finger stroke.... it just made my heart melt to pieces. =]

leaning towards gleaning

they say every element of life is fully addressed in the bible.
        even romance? i ask...  
      yes! answers God.
        how?where? i ask....  
    Boaz & Ruth. answers God.
        oh, now i see. says i.  
    tolda ya so~ says God (squiggly and all).

Call me a romantic but Boaz was the original Prince Charming, superman before it was super, the first Casanova.

He knows what a girl wants:
1) protection - Boaz told Ruth not to glean in any others' field except his. He said his men would protect her within the confines of his land. how bold and romantic! i'm especially sensitive about this because i have a long-withstanding theory that my childhood wounds left me feeling vulnerable, unprotected, and alone a lot of times. my older brother was never really "protective"- more of a bully. and no one but my grandmother really stood up for me and my feelings (which is why i really cherish her to this day).  i wasn't born with a "strong" and "hard shell" personality. it was an adaptive strategy to fend for and protect myself. but now as i grow older, i realize it's a whole lot of work and i just want to let go. i don't want to hold back my tears for fear of looking weak and feminine. and i want to be with someone that i can trust will be noble enough to step up to the plate and take over. He will have my back, stand up for me, and be on my side, always - so i can feel stable, protected, and safe - physically and emotionally.

2) acceptance - Boaz saw Ruth in her times of need, in her lowest of position. instead of reprimanding her for scavenging the leftover harvest or finding her desperation disgusting, he found compassion in his heart for her. he offered her superfluous amounts of wheat, wine, and delicious meals. he saw her beauty and the glimpse of who she could become. (little did he know that she would become King David's grandmother!) oh how beautiful it is for someone to see another pre-glory and still accept, love, and appreciate them. so then, how much more love are we capable of as we continue to transform and grow in Christ?

3) favoritism - he picked her. he favored her. with confidence, grace, and generosity he took a great risk and gained a great reward.  i have this deep need to feel like the favorite. (yes, of course it stems from childhood, why do you even ask!). growing up i never felt like the favored child, or even like a real daughter (since my family always teased me about being the adopted black sheep, besides other issues). so i feel very loved when someone treats me special and when i receive favor. lately, i feel like God's favorite and it has been rejuvenating and restoring peace in all the shattered pieces of my broken little-girl heart (i know, i can be dramatic.... humor me.)

4) proud proclamation - Boaz proclaimed to his men that she could glean anywhere, anytime and he wasn't ashamed of it. i also have this deep insecurity (often times fueled by past mistreatment) that i am an embarrassing person to date, let alone associate with (secret dating is never a good thing -_-). so i find it to be of the utmost romanticest when men aren't ashamed to proclaim their love for a woman and call her his own. every girl wants to belong to someone (besides God). one day, one man will unashamedly proclaim his favor and commitment to me and i shall be greatly grateful to him all my life for it. yep, it only takes ONE! =]

Dear "Boaz",
the day i meet you,
i promise to glean only in your field...
all day long.
forever.

Dear more important God,
i promise not to put "Boaz" on a pedestal.
please help me keep my eyes on the prize.
thank you.
amen.

stock piled

okay. i confess... i have PDS: Perpetual Disaster Syndrome.

when hurricane Sandy hit, it was apparent that nobody within a 1 mile radius could starve even if they tried. why? because i've always been somewhat of a hoarder. so yeah, our apt was well prepared even before those crazy winds and rain and moon tide conceived Sandy!

i thought about why i have this 병 and it definitely stems from childhood. my older brother ate his food faster than i could blink and then always came after mine (he also called me fat and said he was doing me a good deed -_- but that childhood trauma I will save for another rainy day). to me, a meal was a struggle between slowly enjoying my food and forcing myself to rush so that it wouldn't get taken away. as a combative strategy,  i always had a back-up plan: 1 for me, 1 for brother, and another 1 for me in case he pillaged my first. 

i could stop at that reflection of my PDS... but that would only be a superficial analysis of my heart condition. the reality is that i want security. even my roommates notice that i get my panties in a bunch when our stock pile diminishes.... i feel safe when i'm surrounded by a never-ending wall of toilet paper and sacks of white rice. even my purse is a Mary Poppins bag of tricks and supplies. i find security in knowing i am prepared no matter what kind of disaster should strike.... but geez, witnessing Sandy or, actually - seeing God's mighty hand over our earth - leaves me thinking: can we ever really be prepared?

Matthew 6:25-34  “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life.... But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.