stock piled

okay. i confess... i have PDS: Perpetual Disaster Syndrome.

when hurricane Sandy hit, it was apparent that nobody within a 1 mile radius could starve even if they tried. why? because i've always been somewhat of a hoarder. so yeah, our apt was well prepared even before those crazy winds and rain and moon tide conceived Sandy!

i thought about why i have this 병 and it definitely stems from childhood. my older brother ate his food faster than i could blink and then always came after mine (he also called me fat and said he was doing me a good deed -_- but that childhood trauma I will save for another rainy day). to me, a meal was a struggle between slowly enjoying my food and forcing myself to rush so that it wouldn't get taken away. as a combative strategy,  i always had a back-up plan: 1 for me, 1 for brother, and another 1 for me in case he pillaged my first. 

i could stop at that reflection of my PDS... but that would only be a superficial analysis of my heart condition. the reality is that i want security. even my roommates notice that i get my panties in a bunch when our stock pile diminishes.... i feel safe when i'm surrounded by a never-ending wall of toilet paper and sacks of white rice. even my purse is a Mary Poppins bag of tricks and supplies. i find security in knowing i am prepared no matter what kind of disaster should strike.... but geez, witnessing Sandy or, actually - seeing God's mighty hand over our earth - leaves me thinking: can we ever really be prepared?

Matthew 6:25-34  “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life.... But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.