pave the way

i get offended when people ask me who is older... only cuz i think my brother looks so old and i, so young.. but i guess 16 months isn't that much of a difference...

sometimes i joke around that i raised my brother and took care of him, so he's like a younger brother to me.. but the reality is that growing up i followed him around everywhere and copied everything he did, and i still kind of fear him and look up to him at the same time...

the one burden that i had on my heart when i left home [to discover my little self in this big apple] was my brother... more specifically, my brother's salvation.

i know i made it a point to really instill in my GNC family my concerns for his faith... and i felt shy at times about asking people to pray for him but now i'm totally glad i did. i know they're really caring for him and guiding him. man, i really love the people at my home church and i believe they are doing some really great things... genuine revival.

my heart is so gladdened to notice that not only did my brother facebook acknowledge me as his legitimate sister... (yay) but also that he has written his Religious belief as "Jesus". wowowo! i am so encouraged. it was probably a better thing that i left, so that there was more room for him to breathe and make his own way instead of me overbearing and smothering his growth.

and honestly, this is just another testimony not to worry. why worry? God will always take care of everything in His own time. i remember Praise Mike told us not to worry about leaving the church because our positions could always be filled and God will always work no matter what. just trust in Him...

well, today, i say, happy 27th birthday and i love you so, my only brother.
and Praise God!

i'm so pretty, oh so pretty...

as a woman (and forever girl inside) i know the pain of desiring beauty and wanting to be attractive.

it's sad to say that guys can get away with being less good looking because they can make up for it with their personality + hard working diligence + humor + etc.. basically as long as they have what it takes for us to respect them; in the clear. but as girls, we don't really have much to offer besides cuteness + beauty + sexual allure.... we just want to be loved, and physical attractiveness is the easiest and most acceptable way to be so.

with that said, i am so very thankful for my lackluster qualities in the looks department.

yeah, i'm sorta kinda stubby all over and super rough around the edges... but when i image myself being taller, leaner, and more modelesque, it makes me shudder. i cringe at how much more tempted i would be to live a worldly life. how the attention i would probably receive from the opposite sex would become a sort of idol/addiction. even the word "pretty" would lose value from over-hearing/overuse. i would be even more obsessive about my physical presentation and spend hours and dollars on end to keep myself at a certain [high] standard. the way i expect to be treated by others would also be different.

i think just everything about me would be different. i'm a firm believer in the theory that good looking people tend to lack personality and depth because they don't ever have a need to evolve in that way. naturally it's because they already get everything easily and have everything the need. hence, my character and personality development would have been thwarted by my [hypothetically] stellar looks!

but super most important, i would be blinded by the love for myself and the need for acceptance from this world.. and it would keep me from a genuine and profound faith in Christ. and THAT is what scares me most about overwhelming physical beauty.

simply put: i'd rather be a fatty that fits through the narrow gate; than a thin beauty strollin' through the wide gates to an eternity without God.


Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

overtime

i must admit the men of this city exist in a different caliber of classy. from their long burberry trench coats to their sea green, sheepy cloud ties. it's toe up from the floe up: dandy style.

yeah, they look good in winter wear. but you know what it is about these suits that really gets me? besides their success, dignified elegance, and noble mannerisms? and super besides the sense of security that their consistent (large) paycheck could potentially bring...

it's the discipline.

these guys had to fore go many things in life to study hard to get the internships that lead to the good positions in those good companies. think about the focus, passion, and self sacrifice that takes! diligence is super sexy.

it always comes down to a man's ability to prioritize, commit, and sacrifice. it's what separates the men from the boys. admit it, you can't help but revere a man who is able to work hard for what they want and be willing to make sacrifices in order to attain it.

and it leaves a little hope inside.. that maybe someday... we will be worth the sacrifices you make to attain us!! :")

don't forget

two things to remember me by if i ever die:

1. burberry for women.



2. always be my baby.

you're so money

You know how guys say they want to marry a girl before they make all their money, just so they know they can trust 'em? non-gold diggers they say...

Well after skimming through a very enlightening book, "Why Men Love B!tches," i think girls should do the same except we should be sheisty about what men look for in women. A man's currency is indeed his prestige and career while a woman's currency is her beauty and wifey abilities (men: don't deny it).

Guys generally don't run and try to spend all their money on you at once, right? Yeah, they invest more of their dime as the relationship matures and they start to believe that the investment will be worth it for them in the long run...

so, a word of advice to women: do the same in return. don't show all your cards too early!

1.Don't look too good just yet. don't shed those last 5lbs.... and yes wear your glasses and your sweatpants and see if he still finds you attractive. Then later, full blown best you can be.

2. Oh, and don't cook and clean for him or do his laundry.... or else you won't have any tricks up your sleeve to make him feel really lucky when you become his home woman. and i doubt he even deserves all that goodness if he's not your husband yet. =I

3. Lastly, don't ever, ever, under any circumstances let him see or touch anything 'cept maybe your face... but only if he is going to gently cup your chin with his hand, or caress your cheek as he gazes adoringly into your eyes... just maybe. haha. just joking...who does that nowadays ?? aw, sad..... =( is there no romance left in this world!?!?!