forget yourself!

"C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity makes a brilliant observation about gospel-humility at the very end of his chapter on pride. If we were to meet a truly humble person, Lewis says, we would never come away from meeting them thinking they were humble. They would not be always telling us they were a nobody (because a person who keeps says they are a nobody is actually a self-obsessed person). The thing we would remember from meeting a truly gospel-humble person is how much they seemed to be totally interested in us. Because the essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or less of myself, it is thinking of myself less . 

Gospel-humility is not needing to think about myself. Not needing to connect things with myself. It is an end to thoughts such as, "I'm in this room with these people, does that make me look good? Do I want to be here?" True gospel-humility means I stop connecting every experience, every conversation, with myself. In fact, I stop thinking about myself. The freedom of self-forgetfulness. The blessed rest that only self-forgetfulness brings... I do not have to do things to make me look good. I can do things for the joy of doing them. I can help people to help people - not so I can feel better about myself, not so I can fill up the emptiness."

The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness: The Path to True Christian Joy - Tim Keller

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1)  You are my beloved child in whom I am well pleased. (Luke 3:22 ) 

my counter-part

when it comes to personality.... i think i would be most compatible (and consequently, happiest) with a man who is of quiet strength but loud morals, slightly introverted, quirky intelligence, reliable, steady character, appreciative, highly supportive and minimally critical/judgmental, frugal but not cheap, a truly great listener, accepting, easy-going, short on complaining and long on patience, easily amused but not easily frustrated, big hearted, youthful,  generous, and humble above all things.  It also wouldn't hurt if he enjoys eating soggy fries, bread crust, and cilantro :")

well, then.... i suspect i should marry someone just like julie.

Renewed

"A renewed mind does not mean a mind pumped up with exhilarating cliches about the joys of living or our potential to turn tragedy into a triumph.

Real change means change in the inner man, where a deceitful heart, full of motives hidden even to ourselves, and a darkened mind, holding ideas that we may consciously disown, must be exposed and confronted by the message of God.

If sin really includes unconscious beliefs and motives that deny the truth about life in Christ and lead us away from Him to other alleged sources of life (wrong ways that lead to death do seem right), then we must look carefully at how we think, what we think, and how our thinking can be renewed."

Understanding People - Dr. Larry Crabb

What is Healthy?

"Healthy people deeply enjoy God, expressed with occasional bursts of ecstasy followed by long periods of quiet allegiance. Their lives are anchored in him. They know that in their deepest parts they have felt His touch.

That touch increasingly liberates them to be more fully involved with others. They are free to enter into other people's lives, openly and vulnerably, with neither protection nor defensiveness, because they are not threatened by the pain of disappointment and conflict that inevitably occurs in rich involvement among fallen people. This inevitable pain does not cause them to back away behind walls of appropriateness ("I'll do what is expected of me") or spiritualized retreat ("Well, we must pray about it"). Mature Christians don't retreat, they increase the level of their involvement.

Healthy people do understand the importance of timing and discretion as they move toward people with whom they experience conflict. And they know, as not-yet-glorified saints, that their efforts at involvement will never be perfectly timed or thoroughly discreet. But still they move toward, not away from. Involvement, not retreat, is their lifestyle. And therefore their lives have quiet power. Their very presence is felt by a few people in a way that makes them want to live more nobly.

Healthy people are not afraid of confusion. They have given up their claim to independence and control and can therefore tolerate, even welcome, uncertainty. Confusion deepens their vulnerability to being led by someone who is not confused. They enter warmly into their inherent dependence as finite beings by defining faith as the courage to move on in the absence of clarity.

They struggle - and sometimes fail. They feel some temptations more deeply than less healthy people - and occasionally they yield. But they know what it means to repent from the core of their beings, to tear down the idols to which they looked for satisfaction, and to return to the God of life through whom relationship and impact are available.

Healthy people are not free of the common symptoms of emotional trouble, but the symptoms do not control them, at least not for long. Sometimes they feel profound loneliness and unbearable hurt - and at times it seems as if they are touching reality more honestly than when they are feeling good. But they go on, aware of a reality yet to be grasped that will replace loneliness with satisfying intimacy and hurt with sheer pleasure. Their styles of interaction with God and others are varied as snowflakes. But one thing they have in common: a growing ability to be touched by God and to touch others. "

Understanding People: Why We Long for Relationship - Dr. Larry Crabb

Christian human

Maybe the real discussion is about being a Christian animal versus being a Christian human. I would argue that the Christian animal is concerned with little more than survival (receiving sustenance), procreation (increasing numbers), and preserving the integrity of the herd (worship of religion). By contrast the Christian human embodies the burning desire to question and reason—to seek knowledge and truth—to sacrifice safety and security for the sake of humanitarian efforts—to save and rescue other tribal members from the savages of neglect, abuse, and hunger.

from Rogue Christianity's blog

do you love me?

today, it finally dawned on me.
my #1 love language is Quality Time.

there, i said it. yes. i feel most loved when people sacrifice their precious new york minutes to get to know me, talk with me, share with me, partake in an activity with me, or simply be with me. makes me feel like an important and special part of someone's life. can't a girl just get some attention around here?

(i'm greedy so i will say that my #2 love languages are: actions & words. gifts & touch are bonus icing on the cake!!!! meaning... you super love me!!! hee hee)

i get upset and aggravated (my grievances overfloweth) when people try to act like they know me, are close to me, or pretend to care what is going on in my life when they don't have a clue because we don't talk or hang out! conversations seem feigned and catching up feels less meaningful when a mutually warranted and surely progressing relationship doesn't exist.

so what then, are my favorite forms of quality time, you ask?
oh! don't worry, i'll spell it out for you (with visual aides:

1) having conversation over food, dessert, drinks, anything edible (feel doubly loved if you buyin~)
2) joint attention (prefer dvd > movie because the environment prohibits casual conversation and my very necessary commentary).
3) pillow talk time (my head is on the pillow - your head is on your pillow - and we talkin on the phone or face2face!)
4)kakao talk or text! (i love me my random emoticons & hellos & picture messages, tells me you're thinking about me and that we're connected throughout the day.)
5) gchat/vchat - inferior forms of QT, but nonetheless superbly entertaining and occasionally insightful.
6) play a game or watch a game (sports & high fives!)

there. now have your pick!!!

"To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us." -Tim Keller

Met ah more pho sis

Lately I have just been moved with such gratitude. Our God is one who is active, loving, generous, and completely caring - even about the most trivial things in life. He reminds us that he cares and is listening to the smallest pains and gripes. Thank you Father! I feel so heard and understood...

So my mom came and went. Somewhere along the line I had a spectacularly clever and emotionally vulnerable blog post about the depths and heights that our relationship was able to find during our four short days in new York together (NYC is truly magical) but then I got busy and lazy and lost my train of thought... not to take away from the significance of the said trip, but I just cannot recall the verbiage I had in my mind last week so its quite pointless to try and recreate a less worthy post. So I won't. But you get the point, right?

Next thought: The thing about Metamorphosis is.... that a caterpillar cannot feign a transformation into a butterfly, can it? It cannot grow fake wings or shed its scales. Transformation is total and genuine... as seen by the finished product. But what if the caterpillar tries to escape the confines of the cocoon prematurely... thinking that it is ready when it is really not? What then?! Consequences such as a wing that isn't yet fully developed enough to fly right (kind of like Nemo's tiny arm)... or skewed vision? I guess we must trust in the process... and in a greater power: God.