hello.. good bye!

this past week has made me feel very odd. to think... nothing will ever be the same when i return.. not even me!

seeing friends for the last time and saying good bye made me feel as if i were going off into the arms of the grim reaper..

this is definitely a little death of some kind. the end of an era. movement away from all things of the past and progression towards a brighter future.

good bye childhood.
hello responsibility... and bills!
good bye california girl.
hello city chic chick!
good bye friends and family...
hello husband!
good bye comforts of home...
hello suffering and growth!
good bye naivety.
hello wisdom and discernment!
good bye hopes and dreams...
hello goals and successes!

good riddance, me!
and welcome, you!

it's just like...

some analogies i've been thinking about lately:

1) trying to fix your broken white out tape is like attempting to salvage a relationship. at first you're hopeful about fixing it cuz you think it's that simple. as time passes, you know you should just give up and throw it away cuz you're not getting anywhere, but then the time you already spent seems like a waste. so you continue on but know in the back of your head that it's a failed attempt. the longer you try, the more messed up and harder it gets to fix it. in the end, you just end up with sweaty armpits, a bad temper, a broke white out, and a useless relationship. next time, just quit early!!

2) being in love is just like being in pain. when you're in it, you're so deep in it that you can't focus on anything else. (that's the nature of love & pain.. an all engrossing, attention whore of a thing.) but when it's over, you completely forget what it felt like and you swear you've never been in it before!
2 a) i wonder if anyone has ever had their heart broken and 3 wisdom teeth pulled simultaneously... cuz that would really suck. or maybe if you fell in love while getting your wisdom teeth pulled, the two would offset each other and you would be in a state of limbo?? maybe your body would spontaneously combust!

3) searching for a new church is like searching for a spouse. it won't be perfect, but at the same time, it's gotta be juuuuust right. eeeek!

these are a few of my favorite things...

i began my mental and physical packing regimen today. and it's scaring me... the dreamy idea of living in the big city with my two best friends sounds so exciting, and daring, and refreshing, and grown up. but the reality of moving and creating a new life brings me back down to earth real quick....

where will we live? how big will it be? how much will it cost? wait, how will i pay for this? who will be our friends? what church will we attend? how will we get around? will we get lost? or worse, lost and then mugged? OH GAWT, WHAT WILL WE EAT?!?!?!

sigh. i always thought i was a minimalist.. or maybe i used to be. but somewhere along the line.. i started to become an evil pack rat!!! packing today reminds me how much i love my things. i love having my clothes. and colored pencils. and lotions. and potions. and dvds. and mittens. and pillows. millions of pillows. and lots of colorful hangers. and cute post-its. and nailpolishes. and shoes. and purses... and curling irons. and stuffed animals.. and AND et cetera!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what will i do when i have to leave all of this behind and begin a new? i need to detach myself from all of this junk immediately. oh! it hurts.... somebody take the pain away! or someone just come rob me while i'm not here....

gosh, i want to punch myself in the face! i need to get myself back to that canoe in the Black River in the middle of the Amazon when I had nothing... not even white water to drink. and i was so so content. just praying and praising God. and not worrying about what we would eat (which was nothing) or the (ugly mismatching) clothes on my back... i miss missions!!! i need more Jesus and less life....

1 John: 15-17