santa baby

dear santa,

i normally don't ever want anything for christmas, (but you know how it is when you have no one to give you presents, you suddenly want so many things!) so this year i decided to try writing a childish letter of request a try.... excuse the lateness but this is what i think i want and what i know i need!


because i can't reach anything in my closet! my calves hurt from jumping for my robe everyday. please have pity on my smallness =/


because i want a really cool/clever clock for my cool/clever room!



a cute 2010 planner because mine is running out of months!!



because i saw this yoshiblade infomercial and now i want to cut things with it! i promise to cook more if i have this awesome knife!!



.... i would like this exact oufit. so i can wear it every year on christmas. and frolic in the snow. oh, and i would like to look like that too. body and face. thx!


and lastly, just wanted to throw in a luxury item that i know you (or i) can't afford, but thought i'd give it a try cuz i been a real good girl this year!!


p.s. if all i get is lumps of coal, i'm gonna come after you old man!!

my last will & testament

if i ever happen to unexpectedly leave this earth:

i would like to bequeath all of my belongings firstly to jessica & julie. they may take apart anything and everything and duke it out amongst themselves. they have first dibs on all of my clothes, make up, and room's furnishings. they may visit and sleep in my bed ever so often... or just live in my room if they want (although it might be kind of creepy after my untimely death...)

Anyone who wants it may have a gah we, bah we, bo tournament for my macbook. But, they must keep a picture of me as their desktop background... muhaha

please give all of my books to the college students that need them. i have tons of them. the magazines can go to the next bride to be from church.

oh! and also, please return all of my library books, as i do not want to take overdue fees to the grave.

please give my healthy organs to whoever needs them most. preferably to someone with much youth and little monetary funds. *give my heart to someone who'll take good care of it!!

oh, and don't go through any of the memory boxes in my closet. i look ugly and fat in those pictures. and i sound stupid in those letters/cards. please just throw them away or burn them... i don't even know why i keep so many things from my past. i should burn them myself asap.

give my car to my brother... or one of my younger cousins. they can do what they want with it for all i care!

all of my savings and $$ can be given to my mother to pay for my funeral fees. although, i do not want to waste $$$ on flowers or a fancy wake thing. i'm gone. let me go. cremate me and throw my ashes in the pacific ocean. or.... just throw a huge party with an open bar so everyone can have fun and spend the whole night telling stories (about me and my awesomeness of course!). send a mass facebook invitation to all my "so-called" fb friends to see who actually comes! it would be kind of like the wedding i always wanted... but for me and Jesus!

it would be kind of cool for one of my best friends to write me an obituary in the paper... hint hint!

please delete and deactivate all of my email/fb/blog sites. cuz thats seriously a creepy reminder of someone who once was. (i believe jess/julie know my password.)

thank you. that is all.


here's to a long life hoping this will never gets used!!

time is tickin'~

these days, i've been going to sleep without setting an alarm (yay for vaca!!) but when i wake up in the morning, i feel so disoriented because i don't have a sense of time. then i realized that i really need a clock in my room! then i looked online and there are so many cute ones... but why are clocks so expensive??? oh! it's because they are like little treasures that hold tons of big secrets of all the things they've seen in a room...



i absolutely love this! i used to love cuckoo clocks when i was young. remember the ones everyone had? the little people would go around and music would play? i would sit there and watch every single hour... cuckoos make me feel so nostalgic....



i like this because it's cute. like a 5th grade art project... however, i don't like it b/c it makes me feel like a teacher. and i don't ever want to be a teacher ever again.



i know it's kinda ugly.. but ever since that super funny got milk commercial (where she finds out her ring is really a cubic??!!) i've always wanted this in my kitchen! so the cat's eye can follow me around... hehe



this is just adorable.... i would go to sleep with a smile on my face. and count sheep! (although i would only make it to sheep #4...)


oh dear, how i love all things naturally nautical. one day, when i am old and rich, i will sail around the world with my handsome salt & peppery haired husband in a little yacht and wake up to this clock every morning and be sooo happy~!



this one is just silly, but kinda cheesy and cute. i can never not like mermaids...


who knew my quest to find the perfect clock for my room would take me on a stroll through memory lane?? i guess i really do love clocks!!
^_^

freeeedom...

TO DO after finals week:

1. finally watch 500 days of summer
2. go to target many, many times
3. spends hours at the gym every. single. day.
4. plan & prepare house for parties to be thrown.
5. spend hours doing my nails.
6. read tons of books that i have on hold at the library.
7. watch a million netflix dvds to make up for 3 months of wasting it..
8. video chat every night. (guilt freee)
9. research airplane tickets~
10. finish and send out my grad school applications!!!!


i can't waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!

beneficiaries

Last week Pastor Jimmy gave a good sermon about seeing people for who they are, through the eyes of God. sermon here.

He mentioned how these days, everyone is out for themselves; especially when it comes to relationships with others. People want to be around those that they benefit from.... that they receive what they need from. (How sad is it that I have been on both receiving ends of that???) He even mentioned how some girls only hang out with girls who are uglier than them, so that they feel good about being pretty in comparison (talk about vanity, gosh!)

Anyways... that got me thinking about the company that i choose to keep... And I conclude that my friends are generally more attractive and awesomer than me. so much so that i find myself always telling people (i.e. guys): "oh yeah, yeah they're holler for sure". meaning, yes, you will find them attractive inside and out. but they ain't no hollaback girls, if you know what i mean...

now, when i think about my two bestest best friends... it simply comes down to this: I genuinely believe Jes is a better version of the person that I am, and Juls is a better version of the person I wish I could be. this is probably why we're gonna be life long friends. hee hee ( i feel so gaycheesy right now...)


<3

cuddle closer - it's non negotiable

ah, rainy days. cause rainy hearts...

i realized today that i haven't been (unconditionally) single in the month of december since.... 2001? wow. i guess my heart always had something going on....

but this winter of 2009, i stand alone. and i am colder and wiser. (literally & figuratively)

so, in lieu of a nice cozy, romantic winter entry, i will write about what cozy, romantic ideas i have about the next person that comes into my life (hopefully by next winter so i won't freeze my heart out).

GAM non-negotiables:
1. true disciple. (with a true walk)
2. trustworthy & honest. (does what he says and says what he does.)
3. genuinely good hearted. (it hurts for him to hurt others...)
4. assertive/mindful/considerate. (good noonchi & high emotional intelligence)
5. passionate. (about something worthy.. and hopefully makes mad $$$ doing it.. hee hee~)
6. giving. (in all ways, but esp. with quality time and emotional sharing)
7. same sense of humor (please?)
8. devoted (eyes wholly on me) & protective ( like a doberman/rottweiler mix~)
9. socialized (no cavemen allowed!).. but not flirty.

not too much to ask i dare say...

let's have faith that this exists out there somewhere... =/

happy winter!

send some guidance from above

it's so sad because after my dog got an ugly hair cut, i don't really love her anymore. haha.

i was looking back on my previous posts and saw the one i wrote about her first night at my house. man, she was so cute then! and i liked her so much. it just goes to show, never let looks guide your heart.. -_-

that sounds really shallow, i know. but it's not just the way she looks on the outside, i just don't really know her anymore!

i guess that's why quality time is so important in relationships, even if its one with an animal...

oh yeah, and external upkeep is important too! through this experience, i have made a new promise to myself that if i ever get married, i'm not going to just let myself go into super ajumma status. i know i had previously taken great joy in planning to do this, but now i realize presentation, (even to your own husband), is kind of very necessary....

back to the topic of Ooyoo... i'm not being fickle about my affections. things have just changed! she has changed! we don't even know each other anymore! she keeps barking at me when i come into the house! and then i chase her with a rolled up newspaper for being annoying, but on a deeper level, for hurting my feelings....

sigh.

where is the love?

the 5 languages

my love language tells me a lot about the way i function as a person and in relationships with others....

i never read the book, but i've been discussing this l.l. business with a lot of people lately and i've come to many conclusions.

[i know i talk about myself a lot, but seeing as how this is my reflective blog and only 2 people in the world read it besides me, it's my prerogative!!!]

so the way that i feel loved & appreciated by others is:
1. acts of service (because actions speak louder than words sometimes)
2. words of affirmation (because you still need to hear those words).
3. quality time (the key word being quality. sharing and connecting. because when people spend their precious time on you, you know they give a rip!)

the way that i show my love & affection to others is... through too many ways. i tried so hard to narrow it down to only two but i absolutely cannot! i know myself too well i guess...

1. acts of service. (you care when you do, even when you don't want to.)
2. touch. (i must have been south american in another life because i have to hug and hold my friends to show my affection!! the natural urge is too great, so i don't even fight it anymore)
3. gifts. ( i can't stop myself from buying things that remind me of people or jotting notes in my head about things that people say they want or need...it brings me joy~)
4. words of affirmation. ( i like to let people know that i appreciate them for their talents. giving genuine compliments makes both parties happy~)

so yeah...

what's your love language?
<3

for reals

genuine.

the word of the month... or, since it's december now, the word of the finishing year.

i think the word has lost some of its meaning as a result of its shallow use in media and advertising, but it's got a great depth to it.

i once took the eharmony questionnaire for fun (and self discovery) and the one question that took me longest to answer was the one that asked me to pick three of the words from this list that describes you are best. [i tend hate these types of questions because i feel it limits me as a person and when it comes to explaining myself, it's never simple.] but i came out of that inner dilemma convicted that "genuine" was one of the words that represents me. after a bit of reflection i really think its something that is organic. surprisingly, people still tend to respond to authenticity~

and when i end a letter with "Sincerely" i only use that word if i really meant what i said in the body of the message. other times, i just right "Best regards" or "-name". i don't like using sucha sincere word unless i am being totally real. and i wish others would stop tainting the mean of these words for the sake of etiquette or looking good, gosh.

i also decided that the people i click with or see a potential for clicking with are those that i can smell the genuine draft from. i tend to gravitate away from insincerity. but doesn't everybody? actually, no, i guess they don't. all i know is, no to faux!

genuine.
true.
unfeigned.
sincerely felt or expressed.
being or reflecting the essential or genuine character of something.

now, doesn't that bring just a smile to your heart??

license to drive

i had a great night spending quality time with myself today. just me, my hammer, ikea dresser (52 inches tall, mind you), and francis chan. for 4 stinkin' hours~

the best thing i heard all night that i wanted to share with my blogger world (population: 3)-

the sermon was "Priorities Part 1" and the analogy was that on the road of life, you often drive the car. when you're driving, you're in control. then somehow you hear about Jesus. you realize, wait, i need Jesus and his cross! I can accept Him in my life because it's what i need. So you go and pop the trunk open for Him and say, Climb in Jesus! I'll let you know when i need you. then you get in a jam, maybe a flat tire, and pop the trunk open again and expect God to get out and fix the problem. you call him Lord and Master, but what you really want is a slave because it's all about your needs and when. .

Others think they are better off because they invite God into the passenger seat. i still go where i want and when, but can you just keep me company? let's have a real relationship God, but it's all good because i'm still in control. i get to drive.

Instead, it should be like this. "God, you drive. I'll sit in the passenger seat. Where do YOU want to go? What are your priorities? Let me follow you. Let me serve you". Francis says that when we allow God to be the Lord of our lives, that is when he comes in and takes us on journeys that we would never have gone to without Him. we can start finding fulfillment in this relationship because we are being lead by God and His commands; His will; His way.

i just thought it was a great explanation of how we deal with the power of Christ in our lives sometimes... in the bad kind of way.

worthy

trustworthy: (adjective): deserving of trust or confidence; dependable; reliable. able to be relied on as honest or truthful. leave a spare key with a trustworthy neighbor.

it's so weird that people can just know people sometimes, without even knowing them really. like why and how did my boss choose me out of a handful of other people to be his assistant? this position requires so much trust and responsibility. yet, he hired me pretty much on the spot and then proceeded to hand me keys and a phone.... do i seem like an honest, trustworthy person on the outside? is it my little asian girl face? or the way i speak?

i think many things that i look for in people and friends stems from this theme of trustworthiness. all the others important characteristics like genuineness, sensitivity/consideration, ambitiousness.. etc are derivatives.

trustworthiness is different from reliableness, though. because being reliable means people can count on you to do things and be there... more in the category of responsible. but someone who is trustworthy, you are vouching for not only their reliability, but for their character and integrity as a person.... you just trust in their goodness.. pretty much. that they will never do you bad or hurt you. that they are also loyal.

....are you trustworthy?

with all i am

into your hand
i commit again
with all I am
for you Lord

you hold my world
in the palm of your hand
and I'm yours forever

I'll walk with you
wherever you go
through tears and joy
I'll trust in you

novelty

gosh, i've never been so busybody before!
the past two weeks have been a mad rushing around, packing, sorting, prioritizing, meeting deadlines, flying by the seat of my pants...but i feel so darn brand new!

our family finally moved out! it was the house my mom fell in love with from the beginning of her 2 year search but couldn't get her hands on. she watched it like a hawk for the past year and finally grabbed it up like a vulture. bravo mother, bravo.

although... i feel weird living in a house with stairs. growing up i always associated skinny people with two story houses. i attributed their thin legs and thighs to their going up and down the stairs everyday. but now i realize that stairs are a pain in the behind and not a form of exercise at all! i'm so dehydrated that my lips are cracking! and i'm dehydrated because the kitchen is just tooo far away to get a glass of water from!!!
*note to self: buy mini-fridge.


everything feels very homey and familyy and fun. i pretend i'm annoyed at my family calling me up on the intercom just to get me up and tease me.. but i really love it inside. hehe

anyways...for those of you that know and care: NY was a spontaneous trip that turned into a whirlwind of fun. very unexpectedly... enough so that we paid for a second ticket to stay a couple more days basking in the excitement of the city. i can't imagine not going back. in fact, i want spend the rest of my youth living there.. while i still have the chance!!


in conclusion:
1. come on over.. come on over baby~
2. let's go on over to NY soon.

starve a vampire!

it turns out i haven't given blood to the Red Cross since 2003?? I remember now the last time I tried to give blood, it was in 2006 and I was denied because of my low iron.

Today I was very excited to give a bag and then it turns out I still have low iron... this explains many things~ Like how I'm always sleepy and feeling tired, which would explain why I nap so much during the day and still sleep well at night.

I hate how they always call my house though... at first I used to pick up because I was scared that they were calling to tell me that I had some weird blood disease that I picked up from a toilet seat.... then I realized their desperation for donors.

Did you know less than 2% of Americans donate blood??? that's pretty sad for a country full of fatties. we're seriously walking blood bags!! i bet people in korea couldn't give blood even if they wanted to because they can't satisfy the weight and iron requirement. and there's always a constant demand, says Red Cross.

My new goal is to give blood twice a year. and be healthy enough to do it! vitamins and total cereal, get in me belly!

Starve a vampire! Donate blood!

Super Lovely People

my newest theory is that the Human Communication Disorders (SLP) major is the new hot girl major. not only are all of my classes 99% female, but about 95% of those females are currently super young betrothed or older women with teens. the speech language clinic that i volunteer at has an all female staff of 6 women (all sporting bling bling diamond ring rings). not counting, the young male secretary...

anyways... i thought about why there could be such an influx of engagements going on lately. i think during depressing times people want something lovely to hold onto in the future so they make promises like that. but in terms of the people who choose speech language pathology as a major, they are just attractive in general. they genuinely want to help others live better lives, have a gift for communication, and naturally get along with others. having good looks is just a plus. how can you NOT be engaged with a plate of characteristics like that???

oh wait... people like me are the exception, not the rule....
=(

please be my 1 out of 10...

"Men's ministry leader Pat Morley reports that: for every 10 men in your church, 9 will have kids who leave the church, 8 will not find their jobs satisfying, 6 pay the month minimum on their credit cards, 5 have a major problem with pornography, 4 will get divorced, and only one has a biblical worldview."


that 1 paragraph from fusion bible study upped my life ante.
i now have some serious standards to enforce...

Job 6:11

What is my strength, that I should wait?
And what is my end, that I should be patient?

poor Job :(

shhh!

its true. i don't follow the rules. i eat and drink in the library to my heart's content and even take short cat naps. but that can't be nearly as bad as the people who sit in the study desks and have full on 40 minute phone conversations!!! i thought the library was supposed to be a place silent enough to hear the inverted farts of fellow studiers....!

nobody follows the societal norms anymore...for that, we need a return of the old nanny-granny-sweater-wearing-gray-haired-tortoise-shelled-glasses-wearing-bitter-hag-nun librarin!!!

screw you increasing technology and decreasing common decency!!!

die evil~!

it is my understanding that all cute things are evil.
they know they are cute.
and they use their cuteness to get away with the worst things.
(like pooing in the same spot on the carpet everyday for you to step in)
(or ripping up feminine things - of the used nature....)
(or spitting up on the shoulder of your favorite sweater)
(or smile..... like, good gawwwd!)

poo. rip. poo. spit. do cute thing so you forget about the... poo. rip. spit. make you feel bad about yourself... pee. poo. rip. spit... manipulate you with their charms..... spit. poo. pee. rip your heart out.... poo. pee. diarrhea. rip. gently sleep on your foot.... poo. spit. ruin my life...


babies are evil.
puppies are evil.
cute guys/girls are completely satan sent.

i hate them all.
get them away from me!!!!!!




"my frickin dog ate my frickin homework"

cool stuff.

would you....


be brave enough?
it seems kinda liberating... no?




artistic statement of the century.



does that mean my dung will end up on someone's roof?
cuz that's awesome.

people should be afraid of visiting my future home
because i swear its gonna be full of crazy weird stuff like that~!

harmonics

The sounds that come from within our larynx are a result of a complete adapting, changing, compromising harmony reached by both our vocal chords and the tube from which the air blows through.

resonance happens when a driving force (vocal folds) matches frequencies with a driven system (vocal tract). if the natural characteristics of the driving force coincide with the driven system, a big response results. and of course, the goal of the voice is to create the greatest possible response from the matching up of both.

therefore, what does the the driven system do? the muscles change the vocal tract so that the natural frequencies can better coincide with the frequencies of the vocal folds, and vice versa.

harmony requires sacrifice and compromise. not to mention a going beyond what is thought as enough. but, oh what beautiful melodies and sounds our human parts can make!!


..... the fundamentals of a successful relationship are pretty much like that of a successful scream.

wisdom

ecclesiastes 7:

8 Better is the end of a thing than its beginning,
and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.
9 Be not quick in your spirit to become angry,
for anger lodges in the bosom of fools.
10 Say not, “Why were the former days better than these?”
For it is not from wisdom that you ask this.

amen.

apple

yes. it is true.
i am so very PC. (practical and concise)
i am so very not a "mac". (money absent consumer..?)
i am very un-trendy.
i am very anti-hipster.
i yam what i yam.
but, i will not let the name brand of a computer keep me from what i am most, which is frugal. i decided that i will try and be more open minded this time around. (except acer. i will not buy acer.)

therefore, i will buy whatever will give me the most BANG for my BUCK. cuz my bucks be short like my legs. so if that turns out to be an aluminum fruit with black keys... so be it!! do not judge me for the choices that bring me personal gain!

설래임

it's my new puppy Ooyoo's first night sleeping over at my house.
i hope she doesn't feel lonely. i hope she doesn't cry!
in case you never met her....


oh, hello bloggers!



milk cuddle bunny.



우유 on her milk cushion. (that was purely coincidence.)



is it just me, or do i look like cross eyed CL here?


question for dog owners: how do i get her to love me?? is it canine nature for dogs to just love their owners unconditionally? crossing my fingers....

i think that starting a relationship with a puppy is like dating. i feel like i shouldn't give her too much attention or she will resent it/take it for granted. but then again, i should give her enough love so she knows that i care about her. loving, but not smothering?? should i even be plotting mind games with a dog??? i just want us to be friends already!! but i should definitely take it slow so as not to scare her off. right? but she's just so cute sometimes! ...oh dear, i'm so bad at these things!!

oh! my sneeze just scared her~
hehe

stale

"Because starting fresh means something else is ending stale..."

i've always been a fan of happy endings. even if it takes a lot of unhappy beginnings to get there. for instance, today marks the end of my summer commitment to alpha. i am very happy about that.

i've never been a fan of happy beginnings because that just guarantees an unhappy end to the happiness previously felt. or else, why would it have to end???

therefore, let us all accept that the only true happiness that will never end can only be found in heaven.

cool

today:
called me when you woke up. check.
spaghetti and egg salad for breakfast. check.
share our separate weekend dramas. check.
pushing daisies season 2 dvd. check.
google lee pace. check.... =)
play with mouse. check.
eat sweet potatoes in bed. check.
watch lisa ling and the korean chick return home. check.
frozen costco pizza for dinner. check.
speed walk to the park. check.
drink lemon gatorade. check.
bother mom for 20 bucks so we can....
go to NRB. check.
spend 1.5 hours there. just the 2 of us. check.
scrathy hoarse voice. check.
walk to mcdonalds for cones and fries. check.
order french fries a second time. check.
this time freshly fried and more deliciouser. check.
talk about new harry potter movie for 1 hour. check.
go home defeated. check.
go straight to gchat to talk again. check.

are we the coolest people ever?
definitely.
yes. check.

b.b. <3

Forever I'm your girl
Forever be my world
You are the only one
The only one I'll ever need...
banana bay

humane lee

in our little house,
lives a little mouse.
smaller than my pets,
wild-eyed my mother gets.
"go buy the sticky pads
the 99 cent store has!!!"
but it seems a bit insane
and deceitfully inhumane.
therefore i shall proclaim
a homemade trap will gain
a new pet mouse for jane!
(f.y.i. my name is not jane)

it feels kind of weird and wrong to catch these wild mice with sticky traps... so i have decided to try and catch them the humane trap way. my mom won't let me keep them as pets though. she suspects the wild mice have diseases and fleases. for the sake of my healthy pet mice, i must concur...

when i think about it, this mouse business reminds me of birth and providence. just like us, the family you are born into determines who you are. life is harsh and unfair for the mouse who is born to lowly serf mice parents to live a dirty, scoundrel life and die a sad sticky death. those lucky ones born within the confines of a petco cage have the potential to live as kings....but then again, my mice are harvested to be food for pet snakes... so i guess just being born a mouse sucks.

b/c i'm a girl~

i want to start a sewing club...
so we can make delightful aprons...
that will inspire us to cook!!



and then we can discuss our recipes...
while sipping tea in our pastel heels!

... when did i become so gaygirl??
..idk!

of importance

i feel happy when my mom leaves little notes for me on the fridge. although she's only done it about 2 times in my life, it makes me feel like she cares..... that, or she ran off early in the morning to the hot springs where her cell phone doesn't work and she's afraid my stupid azz will forget to feed the grandmas!

strings attached

i will:
1. do my daily cuties.
2. write down sunday sermons.
3. exercise. (my mice).
4. pray for those on missions.
5. calorie counter. every meal.
6. finish a book before checking out another.

i will not:
1. go shopping for clothes.
2. check fb daily.
3. think mean thoughts.
4. say mean thoughts.
5. eat fried foods.....
6. let myself make excuses!

and i liked it

today, i ate a raw pepper dipped in 쌈장.
today, i became an adult.
officially~

novelty

i was thinking about how changing to a new toothbrush is kind of like changing to a new boyfriend. the awkwardness is the same. until you get used to the pliability of the plastic and the tickle of the bristles, it just feels weird. similar to getting accustomed to the feel of holding a new hand, or memorizing a new telephone number, or noticing the way he drinks from a straw. novelty is a dangerously beautiful thing.

space for wisdom

i hate the way that a certain tooth of mine decided to grow in. all of my teeth are naturally straight except that rebellious one in the back. during unadulterated moments of happiness, the camera highlights this tooth in pictures. yet, i now realize that had it not been for this crookedness in youth, a new wisdom would not have had room to grow and prosper.