le cycle

for one reason or another, we've found ourselves returning to this place every weekend. most of the time it comes down to friends from out of town wanting a loud place to experience the NY night life. other times, it's an invitation by people we know in the second degree who just want girls to fill a space (and enjoy our company while we enjoy their fully paid in alcohol).

if i stopped there, i would only be scratching the surface of the matter. cuz there's always an underlying, deep rooted issue behind the things we do or do not do... right?

we choose circle over all the others in this vast city because it allows you a safe place to let loose, in the presence of those who have similar backgrounds and expectations, so you don't feel too uncomfortable. ( i.e. other koreans.)

but it basically boils down to a cheap thrill. when you're single, you unknowingly have an appetite for closeness, warmth, some sort of affection. i'm gonna be frank and say that girls just want to be held sometimes. whether it be by a friend at church, or by a random moderately attractive stranger in a loud nightclub... we just want to feel wanted. dun matta that it's only for 5 minutes. dun matta that it's too dark to even see our faces. it's the fast food"take whatever i can get" mentality. but at what point does it ever feel like enough? how far will we go to experience just a little bit of mutual attraction for the night? why the endless cycle of wasting perfectly good weekends, hoping to satiate a hunger that probably can never be satisfied? and what is the point? especially when others don't have such [innocent] intentions....which then leaves too much room for miscommunication which can lead to confusion and anger... shudder.

i think it's about time to give it all up and just be content.