upon a star...

*talents i wish i had

black & blue

ah, the age old dispute about who is the better superhero...

personally, Superman has and always will be the one. for me, it's not about who is the better crime fighter or who can win in a death match (which would probably be Superman anyways). rather, i look into the character and depth of their manhood.

even with his incomparable strength and talent, Clark Kent stays humble, meek, and morally upright. he is uniquely altruistic and has a kind & gentle heart... always helping those who are suffering. so self sacrificing... the fact that he has a detrimental weakness (the green rock) makes him even more endearing; more human and sincere. not to mention, he has amazing romantic timing whenever lois lane is in any trouble. and he only has eyes for her... ♡ (big plus that he can carry her forever and never get tired... and fly at the same time!!)

batman is too dark and brooding for my taste. and Bruce Wayne flaunts his riches and wealth for his haughty ego. what would he be without his money and techie toys? probably the above average douchey buff guy you see at the gym... and he's also got some major childhood trauma. can we say emotional baggage? does he even sacrifice anything for the woman he loves? who was it again? catwoman? poison ivy? some bad girl that is involved in a plot against him? psh, get your act together man.

juls has this ongoing theory that superman/coke lovers are simple traditionalists whilst batman/pepsi lovers are more hipsterish complicated folks. which, i have found to be true most of the time.

thank you silly poster...

나.
진짜
자존심 상했다....

i guess
this city is too big.
and i'm just too small....

silentregret.com

my life is officially a kdrama...
1. i have no family (here).
2. i have like, 2 friends.
3. i live in a corroding walk up building that smells like the French Renaissance... (ㅜ_ㅜ)
4. i work my heiny off at a vegan cafe for minimum wage
5. i will be tutoring a young asian boy with autism...
6. i cry... a lot.

BUT i don't recommend you watch this drama because:
1. there are absolutely NO love interests, (no rich, thoughtful, kind, selfless princes that come to a romantic, well timed rescue!)
2. just tons of frustrating situations
3. bad decisions that don't get resolved...
4. no shining inheritance whatsoever.
5. the main character is NOT super skinny, pale as the moon, pretty, cute, amusing, altruistic, or charming in the least. the main character is... dun dun dun.. humble, chubby, little ME!


.. but it still sounds kinda addicting doesn't it?? keke

hello.. good bye!

this past week has made me feel very odd. to think... nothing will ever be the same when i return.. not even me!

seeing friends for the last time and saying good bye made me feel as if i were going off into the arms of the grim reaper..

this is definitely a little death of some kind. the end of an era. movement away from all things of the past and progression towards a brighter future.

good bye childhood.
hello responsibility... and bills!
good bye california girl.
hello city chic chick!
good bye friends and family...
hello husband!
good bye comforts of home...
hello suffering and growth!
good bye naivety.
hello wisdom and discernment!
good bye hopes and dreams...
hello goals and successes!

good riddance, me!
and welcome, you!

it's just like...

some analogies i've been thinking about lately:

1) trying to fix your broken white out tape is like attempting to salvage a relationship. at first you're hopeful about fixing it cuz you think it's that simple. as time passes, you know you should just give up and throw it away cuz you're not getting anywhere, but then the time you already spent seems like a waste. so you continue on but know in the back of your head that it's a failed attempt. the longer you try, the more messed up and harder it gets to fix it. in the end, you just end up with sweaty armpits, a bad temper, a broke white out, and a useless relationship. next time, just quit early!!

2) being in love is just like being in pain. when you're in it, you're so deep in it that you can't focus on anything else. (that's the nature of love & pain.. an all engrossing, attention whore of a thing.) but when it's over, you completely forget what it felt like and you swear you've never been in it before!
2 a) i wonder if anyone has ever had their heart broken and 3 wisdom teeth pulled simultaneously... cuz that would really suck. or maybe if you fell in love while getting your wisdom teeth pulled, the two would offset each other and you would be in a state of limbo?? maybe your body would spontaneously combust!

3) searching for a new church is like searching for a spouse. it won't be perfect, but at the same time, it's gotta be juuuuust right. eeeek!

these are a few of my favorite things...

i began my mental and physical packing regimen today. and it's scaring me... the dreamy idea of living in the big city with my two best friends sounds so exciting, and daring, and refreshing, and grown up. but the reality of moving and creating a new life brings me back down to earth real quick....

where will we live? how big will it be? how much will it cost? wait, how will i pay for this? who will be our friends? what church will we attend? how will we get around? will we get lost? or worse, lost and then mugged? OH GAWT, WHAT WILL WE EAT?!?!?!

sigh. i always thought i was a minimalist.. or maybe i used to be. but somewhere along the line.. i started to become an evil pack rat!!! packing today reminds me how much i love my things. i love having my clothes. and colored pencils. and lotions. and potions. and dvds. and mittens. and pillows. millions of pillows. and lots of colorful hangers. and cute post-its. and nailpolishes. and shoes. and purses... and curling irons. and stuffed animals.. and AND et cetera!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what will i do when i have to leave all of this behind and begin a new? i need to detach myself from all of this junk immediately. oh! it hurts.... somebody take the pain away! or someone just come rob me while i'm not here....

gosh, i want to punch myself in the face! i need to get myself back to that canoe in the Black River in the middle of the Amazon when I had nothing... not even white water to drink. and i was so so content. just praying and praising God. and not worrying about what we would eat (which was nothing) or the (ugly mismatching) clothes on my back... i miss missions!!! i need more Jesus and less life....

1 John: 15-17

big fish in big apple

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord directs his steps. -Proverbs 16:9

Ecclesiastes 12

Remember Your Creator While Young

⁷ Light is sweet,
and it pleases the eyes to see the sun.

⁸ However many years a man may live,
let him enjoy them all.
But let him remember the days of darkness,
for they will be many.
Everything to come is meaningless.

⁹ Be happy, young man, while you are young,
and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth.
Follow the ways of your heart
and whatever your eyes see,
but know that for all these things
God will bring you to judgment.

¹⁰ So then, banish anxiety from your heart
and cast off the troubles of your body,
for youth and vigor are meaningless.

Be all that You can Be

These days, it's impossible to know whether I'm making decisions based only on what I want for myself. I have to constantly question if I am desiring and asking for God's voice to be heard.. Then I realize that no matter what I do, God always brings me back to where I should be.

As long as I can remember I've always liked singing. I grew up idolizing Mariah, but I never everland wanted to be a professional singer. I just wanted a chance to sing cuz I liked it so much. Recently, I found a perfect place for me to grow and utilize my gifts. Under the wing of Georgia Mike and on the sanctuary stage, I've found the most spiritual growth. Praise and worship is definitely the place where I feel most connected to God.

The other thing that I always wanted to do was play football. I used to run around on the blacktop squeezing my sucky self into lunch time games of flag football. The boys were probably annoyed as heck, but I just wanted to play so badly! I was beside myself when GNC's female turkeybowl team started playing in 2006. I realized that God really opens doors for us...

Lately, little things remind me of how I am getting older and that the people around me are getting married and with child. I don't feel rushed or pressured, but movies like The Blind Side remind me of my deepest desires and inner maternal instincts. Leigh Ann Tuohy is such a kick ass mom and a bad ass woman!!! Such a commanding presence with a big, generous heart. My new idol is a housewife. haha.. I remember in kindergarten, we were asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?" for our memory book. Other kids were saying, "Teacher, nurse, scientist, firefighter..." I am slightly ashamed but not surprised that my answer was, "I want to be a mommy!!.. etc. nonsensical 5 year old reasoning... etc." What can I do? God made me to be a very vocal, football playing, preggo ajumma!

Thinking about all of this just reminds me that God places us where we belong. He knows each of our hearts so well because He created each of us with our own talents and unique dispositions. We find ourselves having affinities towards specific people and specific things all for good reason. I have faith that if I am patient and trust the Lord... He will provide...

discovery

There, the Good Witch of the North, Glinda, advises Dorothy to follow the yellow brick road to the Emerald City and meet the Wizard of Oz, who can return her to Kansas. During her journey, she meets a Scarecrow, a Tin Man and a Cowardly Lion, who join her, hoping to receive what they lack themselves (a brain, a heart and courage, respectively).

I need myself a brain; a really big brain to study and receive my graduate diploma. You need yourself some heart; to be patient and loving in order to grow in all of your relationships, new and old. and You, darling, need you some courage to take on all the wonders of the city and learn to be even more independent woman!

We're off to see the wizard...

Toto....

there's no place like home....
there's nothing like the swooshy tailed greeting of your own dog..
nothing like the smell of your own room...
nothing like the privacy of your own space...
nothing like the comforts of your own korean kitchen...
nothing like the navigation of your own laptop...
nothing like the silly antics of your own parents...
nothing like the familiar flush of your own toilet...
nothing like the flutter of your own Bible pages...
nothing like the fluffiness of your firm bed...
and nothing like actually missing home enough to appreciate all of these things!

which is why i should leave more often.....

no fear.

i must say that i take pride in being a semi-brave person (team Gryffindor!) who doesn't have many fears. lots of girls i know can't stand spiders, snakes, cats, mousies, men....etc. i actually used to be scared of weirder things... but then i got over it.

i remember as a child, i used to fear dying a lot.... until i accepted Christ. on a canoe. in the middle of the black river. in the amazon. with my life flashing before my eyes. (now i find myself wanting to die young and fear growing really old... but that's another story for another day...)

oh and i used to fear going to the dentist because my teeth were really bad in the back and i didn't think he could ever fix them broken onez... then i realized that my messed up baby teeth were gonna fall out anyways.

and i used to be scared of dark hallways cuz my brother made me watch sightings with him late at night... but then i realized that i look better in the dark, so now i embrace the night like a vampire.

and i used to be scared of rollercoasters... more specifically, the Colossus. but then i grew a 6 pack and learned to use them to suppress the odd G force feeling in my stomach that was scaring me.

more recently i started to fear rejection, until i realized rejection is all too common and must be dealt with and not feared. now i just make tons of excuses for myself in order to deal...

i kinda still have a fear of dots, spots, eggs, and things in multitude... but i've gotten better at just suppressing the sickness and chills and goose pimples that i feel when i come into contact with these things. i just close my eyes real tight. and recently i have found more people who are scared too, so i feel like i'm part of a club.

today, i noticed that i have an unexplainable fear of ceiling fans. well... i only fear them when they are spinning really fast and when i have to pull the cord to make it stop spinning but it won't slow down and just keeps going faster and faster. it makes me feel really nauseated and scared and sweaty and out of control! after a while i can't look at the thing anymore and just keep pulling the cord with my head down... feeling that sense of doom in my pit of my stomach rise...... wondering when the torture will stop....

to each his own...

i realized that everyone has their own definition of good quality time... which translates into enjoying different ways of spending time with significant others~

for instance, one of my friends sees spending time on the phone and texting as mandatory in a relationship while another sees going out to museums, movies, fine dining, book signings, and a good ear cleaning/picking as mucho importante.

some of us really appreciate little sticky notes in random places, and funny picture text messages, while others of us love inside jokes posted on their facebook walls... or comments on their funny blog entries, or, ya know..... all of the above ;)

i, on the other hand, enjoy taking a stroll down the grocery store aisle with a namja on my arm and lots of food in my cart! and i really like having a default person to watch all my netflix with (cuz i'm cheap and i don't want to get dressed for the movies). lately though, begging my gfs to come over and watch random movies isn't working as well as it used to.... =I

bride of Christ

i thought of another kind of not exact, but pretty good analogy the other day during Pastor Jimmy's sermon:

becoming Christian is kind of like getting married. (wait! wait! let me explain)

When people walk up that aisle during a revival or a retreat, filled with emotion and the spirit, and decide to accept Jesus as Savior and Christ... it is something like that of a person walking up the aisle to that altar to commit their lives to someone they think they will love. (but don't really know.. or realize how much changing and compromising they will have to do.)

(btw, it has to be an arranged marriage because it has to be synonymous with GNC's belief of predestination and election. )

at first, both the Christian and the Groom believe in something truly and deeply. after the fact is when they realize that it doesn't end there. you have to walk back down the aisle and live your life according to the commitment you just made! until you DIE!

therefore, just as Christ followers must, and will naturally be transformed to become adopted into God's family and experience not only conversion but also sanctification, so the new bride or groom must and will change their selfish, single ways out of necessity and happiness for the marriage. both are arduous, exciting, disciplined, but joyous paths...

wait.. was that analogy an all too obvious one???? =/

donots

today, i was late to work because i had to stop for a box of donuts. 1 dozen. i am on my third now...

Lord help me..... =/



because i love donuts so so so much this week....

Berta Potts

Lord, why can't i just be a professional housewife? (minus the lifetime commitment and intimacy) why do i have to continue on through this drudgery that is graduate school.. and then enter the work force??

today, my boss asked me to go across to his unit and check on his laundry. so i did. i even folded his towels and matched his socks (even if he didn't ask me to). and of course (politely avoided his boxers... bleh~)

why can't we all just do what we LOVE and make money doing it???

maybe i could just be a Berta (Two and a Half Men):

the jolly large house keeper who shows tough love to the men in the house by cooking, cleaning, and making wise cracks about their bad decisions...


or maybe a Pepper Potts (Iron Man):

a professional grade personal assistant/secretary/maid who secretly loves her hott boss.

or a doubtfire....

my favorite childhood movie.
i love the silly, cool old hag so much!!


oh boy, how i would love my life....

steadfastness

the day i was most stressed by work, i heard the best sermon in the car on the way home. Francis really hit it home for me about learning to be steadfast. What he says:

Steadfastness is patience. Steadfastness is when you have a weight on you and you keep holding up that weight. It is endurance. We want to say; "God get rid of this weight so then I can just relax". But you don't persevere unless there is weight and pressure on you. And you want to quit when it gets more difficult. So most of us pray God, get rid of that weight. We don't pray asking for God to make our lives a little more difficult so that you could develop steadfastness.

why? because we care about our comfort far more than we care about our character. Most days we don't think about our character. we think i just want to be happy; hoping all our problems will go away. we get frustrated when something is going wrong because we aren't thinking about how it will build us into more Godly, more steadfast people with strong character.

God wants us to be Holy. He wants us to be this steadfast person. Instead of being frustrated at hardship, if we were really concerned about character we could obey James 1: consider it all joy when you encounter these trials. here is an opportunity to get stronger.


We rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. - Romans 5:3-4

let's snuggle

Pastor Jay mentioned last night that he always refers to sports analogies because everything in life can be explained through sports. at that moment i thought that, for me, anything and everything in life can be made analogous to human relationships.

i find myself writing about relationships between friends, family, and dating. but how often do i assess and write about my intimate relationship with God our Father? (not much, spank me.)

so today i snuggled with Jesus. (no... not a buff latino guy. i mean God) But I really spent time in my bed, wrapped in the warmth of my blanket talking to God. I thought, how easy is it to set aside time to do this everyday? Easy enough! If Jesus was my boyfriend, he would be pretty mad that I don't spend much intimate time with him like this. We would probably have broken up by now... or found others to emotionally lean on (cheat on with)... NG! not good at all....

My goals:
1. more intimate snuggle time with God (prayful life)
2. more reflecting on the Word (reading + sermon listening)
3. finishing up all the reading for Leadership Bible studies
4. taking importance away from meaningless things (fb/twitter/k-pop)

i must say, i am actually really excited for these coming changes in the next few weeks..


파이팅 to all of us who are in preparation for Resurrection Sunday!

mad skillz

so my boss usually has me do normal life things for him at work.. such as going to the deli for a pastrami sandwich, or taking his dog out to pee/poo. he recently introduced me to playing catch with his yellow lab using this big sack toy, good for throwing (since they are soft-mouthed dogs meant to retrieve birds).

today i threw the toy too high and it got stuck in a tree... i was panicking and looking around for a really big ladder... i was even tempted to wave down the firetruck that was nonchalantly driving by at that moment... but then. it struck me. all my training was finally going to pay off!!

i ran to my car for that official NFL football sitting in the trunk and unleashed my skillz to knock the toy back down to earth. success! (i was so very excited that a masculine fist pump escaped from within me)

Hallelujah! our coaches would be proud....