no fear.

i must say that i take pride in being a semi-brave person (team Gryffindor!) who doesn't have many fears. lots of girls i know can't stand spiders, snakes, cats, mousies, men....etc. i actually used to be scared of weirder things... but then i got over it.

i remember as a child, i used to fear dying a lot.... until i accepted Christ. on a canoe. in the middle of the black river. in the amazon. with my life flashing before my eyes. (now i find myself wanting to die young and fear growing really old... but that's another story for another day...)

oh and i used to fear going to the dentist because my teeth were really bad in the back and i didn't think he could ever fix them broken onez... then i realized that my messed up baby teeth were gonna fall out anyways.

and i used to be scared of dark hallways cuz my brother made me watch sightings with him late at night... but then i realized that i look better in the dark, so now i embrace the night like a vampire.

and i used to be scared of rollercoasters... more specifically, the Colossus. but then i grew a 6 pack and learned to use them to suppress the odd G force feeling in my stomach that was scaring me.

more recently i started to fear rejection, until i realized rejection is all too common and must be dealt with and not feared. now i just make tons of excuses for myself in order to deal...

i kinda still have a fear of dots, spots, eggs, and things in multitude... but i've gotten better at just suppressing the sickness and chills and goose pimples that i feel when i come into contact with these things. i just close my eyes real tight. and recently i have found more people who are scared too, so i feel like i'm part of a club.

today, i noticed that i have an unexplainable fear of ceiling fans. well... i only fear them when they are spinning really fast and when i have to pull the cord to make it stop spinning but it won't slow down and just keeps going faster and faster. it makes me feel really nauseated and scared and sweaty and out of control! after a while i can't look at the thing anymore and just keep pulling the cord with my head down... feeling that sense of doom in my pit of my stomach rise...... wondering when the torture will stop....