role reversal

as i sat her down and blow dried her hair, a flood of memories overwhelmed me all at once.  my eyes began to mist over as i thought about how much our roles have reversed. as a child, my grandmother was the only person i could trust and rely on. her love was always constant. i never questioned whether she cared for me and if i was her favorite (cuz i was and she wasn't afraid to make it known). she always treated me with such tenderness and care and was always on my side to fight for me and protect me from all things (even my own mother sometimes).

as i swept my hands through her still dark hair, i realized she is the one from whom i've inherited my luscious locks, not to mention my stubborn will, fierce courage, and silly sass. now, at the age of 88, she's dwindled down to a tiny mouse-sized version of herself. she sits at the twilight of her life, with a fragile and child-like dependency, and it saddens me so.

i guess one of the reasons why i've always wanted to marry young is so that she could have the chance to hold my children in her arms and enjoy them. likewise, i really want my children to experience her tenderness just as i've known it, so we could both have that joint understanding. she never minds me climbing all over her little body for physical affection and to this day, i still say that i know he'll be the one because i'll be able sit and wrap my arms/legs around him comfortably, just as i do with her.  i always make her promise that she'll be at my wedding and i can't even begin to think of how she might be gone before i can introduce her to my husband... or else i'll cry.

my mom has always been the most sacrificial of her siblings (no question as to why she is my grandma's favorite child of seven). albeit she hasn't always had the best opportunity to practice her maternal mothering on us during my own childhood, seeing her take care of my delicate grandma now makes me feel warm and tender inside. it reminds me that we are all called to express our servant-hearts in our own way. i know personalities and physiques are inherited but i wonder if hearts are genetically passed down too. if so, i hope mine is as large and thriving as my mom's (and her mom's).

life is strange but beautiful.... because our God is so mysterious.